


tomorrow, you'll be my lover

by darkgreensky



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Depressing, Dominant Erwin Smith, Emotional, First Kiss, First Love, Implied Sexual Content, Internal Conflict, Levi Ackerman Needs a Hug, M/M, Mild Smut, Romance, Shy Levi Ackerman, Submissive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 00:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30130887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkgreensky/pseuds/darkgreensky
Summary: The story of how Levi Ackerman fell in love, and how his only love was taken away from him.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Kudos: 24





	tomorrow, you'll be my lover

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any accidental grammar or spelling mistakes. This is my first "full" fanfic. Enjoy! ♡ -X

Levi Ackerman was quite a lonely man.

He would never admit it, not in a million years, but he secretly longed for something. Love. Levi had never really felt love, not even with his own mother. He wanted to know what it felt like, to love someone, and have them love you back. Levi thought about it a lot. What did lovers do? He knew that they would kiss and hug and hold hands- and touch each other in ways that made Levi’s head spin. He would sit, alone, in the darkness of the night, and think. What would it feel like to be touched by another person? And he wasn't even thinking about sex most of the time. Sex was a scary thought to Levi. It was embarrassing, but Levi was quite insecure about his body. Thinking about love made him think about his insecurities more. 

Would his lover hate his body? Or would they adore it? Levi didn't know.

But one night, as rain poured down outside, his view of love changed. This made him happy and excited, but poor Levi was also nervous and stressed. Because Levi had discovered that he was in love with someone.

Well, that's what he thought, at least. This person made him happy. They gave him butterflies in his tummy whenever they looked at him. This person had quite beautiful eyes. Levi could stare at them for hours. 

But there was one thing that made Levi a bit… worried, he called it. This person he thought he was in love with was another man. Levi knew that two men in love wasn't dirty or wrong, but he had never felt feelings for another man before. Maybe he just looked up to this man, or saw him as a close friend… no. That wasn't right. He would never think of a friend in the way he was thinking about this man. He wanted to kiss him, but he didn’t know how. Luckily, Levi knew that his handsome crush was experienced with romance. He’s dated women- and possibly men- in the past and there were rumors that he slept around a lot when he was younger. This man knew what he was doing.

This man was Erwin Smith. Commander of the Survey Corps. He was much taller than Levi, with blonde hair and stunning blue eyes that looked like melting ice in winter. He was muscular and built, Levi had seen him shirtless back when they were roommates. God, Erwin really made Levi’s heart flutter. It pounded through his chest whenever he saw him. Levi really liked everything about Erwin. His looks, his voice, his personality. Levi wanted him. For himself.

One afternoon, Levi was in Erwin's office, sitting on the wide window sill, as Erwin was sitting on his desk, doing some kind of paperwork. Levi swung his elevated legs as he watched Erwin's hands as he flipped through the papers. He looked down at his own hands. Levi's hands were smaller, more delicate. Almost like a woman's. Levi wished he had bigger hands sometimes. Levi wished he was bigger all over sometimes. As Levi looked down at the fist in his lap, he heard his name. 

"Hey, Levi."

Levi looked up. 

"Yes?"

Erwin turned around slightly, so his stunning side profile was on display to the smaller man.

"You like being with me, don't you?" 

"What do you mean? I'm just in here because I have nowhere else to go." Levi lied, sighing. "Why do you care, anyways."

"You are always in here, and you're always staring at me."

"I'm not staring." 

"You do though. At me. All the time."

"Well maybe it's just because I like looking at you, I don't know."

A deep red blush covered Levi's face and he looked down, struggling to hide it.

Erwin smiled as he turned completely around, looking at the other man.

"Levi…" Erwin whispered. 

"Erwi-" Levi was interrupted by Erwins lips on his. 

His eyes went wide and Erwin put one hand on his small waist, and another on his thigh. Levi felt high, like he was flying. He saw stars as he closed his eyes and melted into the kiss. Eventually, Levi pulled away, breathing heavy as his face turned bright red. Erwin's beautiful eyes locked with his as he smiled.

Long story short, Levi lost his virginity that night. It was embarrassing and hurt like a bitch, but Levi still enjoyed it. Erwin made sure that Levi felt good, running his large hands over the smaller man's delicate skin, kissing his neck and face. He asked Levi if it hurt and made sure he was ok after. It was perfect. 

Erwin and Levi held each other afterwards, laying on the soft sheets on Erwin’s bed. Since it was Levi's first time, he was in pain, but he barely noticed. The man he loved was holding him close, his arms around his body and kissing the back of his neck every now and then.

Levi cried a lot that night. For hours. These were not tears of sadness however, but tears of pure happiness. Erwin had done something to him that lovers did. They weren't lovers, but this was close enough. Levi was laying in Erwin's warm arms and he felt happy. He fell asleep like that, exhausted.

But when Levi woke, he was alone. Erwin wasn't there. Why did he leave? Is he embarrassed or something? It was still a bit dark outside. Levi sat on the bed staring out the window until the sun came up. 

Levi and Erwin continued seeing each other. They would have sex a few times a week. Cuddling afterwards was both of their favorite parts. Then Levi started to crave Erwin's attention in the middle of the day. 

"I want to kiss you." Levi would ask Erwin, as the younger scouts trained near them.

"Levi, we can't. The commander and the captain doing something like that would be controversial."

"But I want to. Let's go behind the trees or something."

"No, Levi. Wait until later."

This went on for a while. Levi wanting Erwin's touch, his lips, but being unable to have it. Levi wanted to be more to Erwin, not just someone who kissed and had sex with him. He wished they were lovers. It tore him apart because he realized they weren't. 

Levi wanted someone to love him, once, before he died. He didn't know when his death would be. He could die tomorrow and never feel the love of another human. This made the small man very depressed. All he could think about was Erwin. They acted like lovers. But that wasn't enough for him.

One windy night, Erwin sat at his desk trying to do work. Levi was standing behind his chair, with his arms wrapped around his broad shoulders. The side of his face was pressed up against Erwin's golden blonde hair. Erwin placed his own hand onto Levi's smaller ones, on his chest.

"Levi?" 

"Yes, Erwin?" 

"If I die soon, how would you react?"

"I guess I would cry. And never feel happiness again." Levi said, smiling. 

Erwin chuckled softly. He turned his head, giving Levi a peck on the cheek. He blushed and smiled the widest he'd ever smiled before. 

A tear ran down his smooth, pink cheek. Levi loved this man. He decided in that moment that tomorrow he would tell him. He needed time to prepare and think about it himself. Tomorrow, he was going to confess his love to the commander. Tomorrow, he will have a lover. Tomorrow, Erwin will be his lover.

But Levi and Erwin never became lovers.  
Because Commander Erwin Smith died the next day.

Levi sat next to the Commander's dying figure, holding the titan serum in his hand. Hanji Zoe sat behind Erwin looking down at him. Hanji and Levi were both overcome with emotions, but they couldn't just cry here. Levi clutched the serum to his chest. Erwin would turn into a titan, and then he would live. Well, it was more than just that. Erwin would stay here, for a bit longer, with Levi. 

Levi never gave Commander Erwin the serum. He saved young Armin Arlert instead. 

Today was the day he was supposed to tell Erwin he loved him. But now, Erwin Smith was dead. He could have saved him.

Levi went on with his life, without his first love by his side. He tried to draw the Commander to keep his image in his mind, but it just didn't help the pains in his heart. But as the dreadful days continued on, the image of Erwin's handsome face and deep, calming voice began to fade from his memory. His heartaches and loneliness were never cured. 

Levi would pleasure himself, laying on Erwin's old bed and sob. Tears would stream out of his eyes as he tried to remember what it felt like when Erwin touched him and kissed him… 

Erwin's soothing voice telling him he was beautiful…

Erwin's messy blonde hair and sweat dripping down his pale skin…

Erwin's smile and he romantically watched little Levi with his icy blue eyes…

Erwin… 

"Erwin… I miss you…"

Levi laid there in silence, hot tears slowly falling down his face. He almost waited for a response, maybe the man he loved was still alive, so he could have him for himself. 

But a response never came.

So Levi Ackerman, Captain of the Survey Corps, Humanity's Strongest Soldier, cried himself to sleep that night. Just like every single night, dreading the tomorrow that is yet to come.


End file.
